Mirrors

Friday night, Troy and I headed to our favorite Y, to get in a solid 2 hour gym date. As my Facebook status said that night - I know, very lame, but at least healthy. Anyways, we started out with a run on the treadmill. And no, we do not do the exact same workout, at the exact same time. We are not that lame.

I am not a fan of treadmills. For the most part, I would rather be outside running, than on a black mat that spins in a circle. But Michigan finally has been hit with some winter snow and the temps were frigid, so treadmill it is. I started out with a nice slow jog and eventually I was doing another sprint/walk workout. 35 minutes later I was covered in sweat and feeling oh so very accomplished.

But, during the middle of my workout, I looked up to find this huge mirror in front of all the treadmill runners. I mean, why? Why, must be have a mirror in front of us, when we run? I don't want to know what I look like. I know I should. I know I should care, for my form. But, yah, I really don't want to see my legs, arm, sweat, earphones, face, etc. I would rather just run. Because in my head, inside my run, I am me. There, I am not judging my appearance to anyone else around me. But, at that moment, when I looked up and saw myself, I immediately fell into the self-conscience "oh my lord, look at me, I am so fat". But, I kept on running. Finished it, moved onto the bike, and then finished out with upper arm lift and abs. 2 hours later, it was a quality workout.

But, those mirrors. They kept bothering me. On the way home, I was talking to Troy about it and how uncomfortable it made me. And this was my husband's, kind and caring remarks:

" Is that really how a woman's mind works and thinks? I don't know what to say, because I don't think like that. Either way, if you are worried about other people judging you in the gym F-them. That's not what the gym is about. The gym is about you and your own self improvement. It is not about worrying about what others' are thinking/seeing."

I really hate when he is right.

I know, for most women (and I do not mean to speak for all - this is just my opinion), we struggle with self image. It doesn't matter our height, our weight, our BMI, our fat percentage, our muscles, etc.  - we struggle. And the farther I go through this journey of weight loss and healthy living, the more I realize how much I not only need to improve the physical, but the mental as well. Someday, I will be on that treadmill, and not worry about the image in front of me. Someday, I will not worry about always being the tallest woman in the bar (and yes, I still wear heels). And someday, it will all come together. Until then...I'll  keep on doing what I do, with a smile. A smile always helps. :)