Rut row ... here comes 3-0

I have thought a lot about this post and what I might write. And honestly, I don't know where it is going to take me... but stay for a bit and read on. It might be a good one... or maybe not.

Something about me, that most people do not know (or would not realize). I am fairly religious. I have my beliefs, I talk to my God (and I say my, because I believe we all have our own relationship with a higher spirit, God, etc. whatever you want to call it. For me, it is God) and I believe in being a good person. With this being said, this is not a post about spirituality or religion. I bring this up, because through my religious beliefs and spirituality, I believe that all things happen for a reason (even the crappy things!) and that my God is looking out for me. It's this foundation to my life, that helps me get through the more challenging of days/times/etc. It's this foundation that gave me the strength to move to Bowling Green, Ohio on a whim.. It's this foundation, that led me to the midwest, that brought Troy and I together, and that has manifested itself in all pieces of my life.

My 20's were a learning time for me. Although, there were many wonderful and exciting things that took place in my 20's (Hartwick, best friends, Bowling Green, BGSU, meeting Troy, getting married, etc.), there were also great periods of learning, growth and development -anyone that says a family divorce is easier to go through as an adult, has never been through a divorce before. But, as I said, I believe all things happen for a reason. The difficult times only made me stronger and more in tune with who I am vs. who I am not.

Not only did I learn who I am, I learned that it is okay, to be who I am. I am the girl that prefers flip flops over heels (but will definitely still rock 4" when needed!). I am the girl that prefers country over city. I am the girl that prefers dogs over cats. I am the girl that is passionate in her goals and what she believes.  And being able to know who you are and be okay with that, is a wonderful thing.



And so... as I woke up this morning and thought "wow, I am 30," I did not have a mental breakdown over turning the "big 3-0." I let the dogs out to potty and as they cruised over the deck to the grass, I took a moment to look at the tranquility and peace of what surrounded me. The sun was just rising over Lake Erie. The ducks were out for their morning feed. My plants are thriving on the decks (this is such good news for me!) and the waves were quietly splashing against the shore. It was so peaceful. And in that moment, right there, I was happy. I am happy. And I feel lucky to be content with where I am, who I am, and what blessings I have in my life. So, thank you 20s for being 10 great years of too much fun, tears, joy, laughter, friendship, family, and most importantly learning. I am eager to head into my 30's...to learn even more, to grow as a person, and to know, that every step I take, I have my foundation and my spirituality to ground me.

I'm back.

I have no idea why I have not blogged in foreverness (is that even an word?). I have no excuse. Just hasn't happened. I have had days where I think, "oh, I should blog about that." And then I don't. I started this blog to help me stay committed to my healthy lifestyle. And proudly, I can say, I have. However, I have also learned, that I don't need to blog to do it. I don't need to blog to get me to go to the gym, to eat healthy, to get some sleep, to take care of myself. I think, finally, my mental attitude has shifted towards looking at "healthy living" as a diet, into a way of living. This is my life. I eat right. I hit the gym. I run through rain. I pass on delicious cheese burgers. And I smile. This is what I do. This is who I am. I will never be a size 2. That's not me. But, I love who I am. I really do. And for anyone that has EVER dealt with self-image issues, that is a huge statement. And I love being able to write that and mean it.

On Sunday morning, I return to the Maumee Bay for my first summer triathlon. Coach Nichols and I are rocking this one out together, as his wife and Troy are our cheerleaders. I'll definitely miss racing it with Kate, but also know she will be back in the game next summer.

I am pretty pumped up for this tri. I don't want to set a goal time (well, I mean I have one in my head), but I am not about to write it down. All I can say, is I feel A LOT stronger (mentally and physically) this summer than I did last. Matt and I practiced our open water swim last night with Team Toledo and I am pretty happy to report, that I came in 4th total and first in women. I'll take that shit. :) Matt, of course, came in third. Of course, he beat me. But, I did make a strong effort to catch him. I'm going to blame it on the weeds... they were nasty, long, and kept catching in my fingers as I stroked. Gross. Gross. Gross. I freaking hate seaweed and can't stand it touching me. But, anyways, I busted ass and did quite well (if I do so say myself). Now, if I can just bust ass Sunday morning.....

And even if I don't bust serious ass, I will be okay. Just to finish a triathlon race is an awesome feeling. Placing, that is even better. But, finishing, that is what really matters.

Until Sunday.... 

It never gets old...

I know, it's been a while since I last blogged.  "Sometimes time marches on and eventually honey, you realize it's marching across your face" (bonus pts. to anyone who knows what movie that is from!) :) No but real, all is good... all continues to be good, just busy. And sometimes, I don't feel like sharing everything.

But, I will share a piece from this past weekend. Troy and I ventured over to the amazing Windy City and spent a fabulous weekend with a great friend and his girlfriend. Awesome weekend. Awesome friends. Sunday, we wrapped up by running the Shamrock Shuffle together. This happens to be the world's largest 8K (4.97 miles) race. There were nearly 40,000 people there and it was AWESOME! Many dressed up, to help celebrate the Shamrock feel. Please see photo below for proof of such costumes:

Please note - Troy's shirt reads: "Take it slow with a picture of a turtle." I love him.

The tutus were a huge hit! Many of the spectators commented on the cuteness. Props to Liz's mom for making them for us. :)

As we neared mile 4, I turned to Liz and said I REALLY want to break a 9 minute mile on this last stretch. And she replied "alright, here we go!" As I crossed the finished line, I knew I had broken the 9 minute mile and my eyes filled with tears. And in that moment, images of the girl that I once was flashed before my eyes... and the feeling of NOT being her anymore brought a feeling to me that I just cannot explain.

All my training, hard work, discipline, and healthy living, just doesn't get old. Do I still have a ways to go? Yes. But, I am so focused and so determined, I know where I once was and I know where I am headed. The feeling I felt, when crossing the finish line on Sunday will never get old. And that my friends, is what keeps me going.

It never gets old...... thinking about what I can do now and what I could not do at one time of my life.
It never gets old..... remembering the girl that could barely run a mile and now runs 10 miles on a Sunday.
It never gets old..... feeling better, looking better and living a healthy life.

It just never gets old.

Mental game

It's been a while since my last blog. Why? I'm not really sure. Yes, I am busy. Yes, I continue to work-out, eat healthy, train, etc. Just, not feeling the bloggin' thing lately. Sorry!

However, yesterday I had a 10 mile training run with my lovely husband and Coach Nichols. And let me just say this.... every bit of it hurt like hell. It was DEFINITELY not one of my better running days. This is the part of running, I hate: the bad run days! Troy and I ran 10 miles last Sunday in wind, clouds, rain, and sleet and I could have easily gone 13.1 that day. However, yesterday, as we ran through a beautiful park, with wonderful trails and plenty of sunshine,  I was over it by mile 3. My legs felt like tree trunks, the back of my neck was on fire and this weird pain I get in my shoulder blades was back. Troy informs we that my should blades hurt because "I don't keep my paws up when I run and thus, I am always slouched over." Whatever, either way, they hurt... A LOT!

I finished 7 miles and told Troy and Nichols I was done. But, then pulled my act together (a bit), agreed to another 3 mile path and about 1 mile in had a mental meltdown in the woods. Troy endured the brunt of it. But, I was SOOOOO MAD at myself, because for the last 4 Sundays I have been doing so well on my long-runs - both physically and mentally. Clearly, my record was broken yesterday.

On the way home, Troy was quite happy to purchase his first ice-cream cone of the season. Who does that? Gets ice-cream after a 10 miler and right before a delicious healthy pasta-bake dinner I had waiting at home? Troy does that.

Anyways, I mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy have treated myself to a baby vanilla with sprinkles.

Dinner was yummy! Score for me!

Today, I am resting. Tomorrow, back at it.

Winter Funk

I am not a fan of the month of February or March. I always find myself fighting off a "winter funk" of some sort. The kind where you have no energy, you don't want to work-out, you hate every article of clothing you own, you can't stand the sight of snow, you are ghostly pale, your nails are constantly cracking from the dry air, and you would rather crawl into a hole and sleep than deal. Sounds depressing, I know. But, it's the truth. We've all been there - we can all get like that.

I have been battling mine for the last 2 weeks and today, during an 8 mile run I BROKE THROUGH! Something just clicked! The air smelled fresher, the lake is actually moving - the ice is gone, the grass looked almost green, and I was smiling. Soon, it will be spring, which then means summer...... oh summer....how I love you so.

Summer means..... 30th birthdays, boating, sunning, gardening, new bathing suits, friends, cocktails, sunsets, Coast Guard Fest, 1000 Islands, flip flops, less make-up, more ponytails, golfing, running, biking, swimming, triathlons, and more flip flops.....

I am a summer girl at heart...always have been and always will be. Because at the end of the day.... it's about splashing through the sandbar, talking by the campfire....it's the simple things in life, like when and where.

It's Easier...

It's easier to take the shortcut during the run...
It's easier to say "I will lift tomorrow"...
It's easier to perform the job half-assed...
It's easier to sneak a snack at night, when no one is watching...
It's easier to sleep through your 4:30 a.m. alarm...
It's easier to put off the project until tomorrow....
It's easier to only read the cliffnotes...
It's easier to only swim a mile, instead of 2....
It's easier to not track your food....
It's easier not to blog.....
It's easier not to call....
It's easier not to write....
It's easier to point the finger at some else...
It's easier to postpone your goals for another year....
It's easier to only race the sprint, instead of the olympic...
It's easier to not make the bed...
It's easier to put the dishes in the dishwasher....
It's easier to ignore the dogs when they beg for love...
It's easier to take 5, 245 short cuts in life....

BUT.....

If I (or you!) constantly take the easier road, I (or you!) will never obtain:

70.3
Healthy living
A loving partner
A great profession
I made bed
A clean home
Loving dogs
Defined arms
My goals
My aspirations
My dreams

" If you take the a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." ~ Frank A. Carl

Running vs. Blogging

About 3.5 miles into my 5 mile run yesterday, I realized two things:

1. I was not dreading the run, as much as I normally do.
2. I was not counting the miles down, like I normally do.

After realizing these two things, I asked myself why? Why no longer was I dreading the run or counting down every step I took? The answer was simple... I was focusing on my next blog. Brilliant. For the first time in a lonnnnnggggggg time, I was not dreading the run. In fact, I was so busy focusing in on what my next blog with be about, I barely realized when I was close to the 4 mile marker. This, to me, was a great day! I might have finally figured out how to "lose myself" during my runs. I will test the theory again, during my Sunday 3 miler this afternoon.

So instead of focusing on the action of running, I focused mostly on the music that was blasting in my ears. And how this music affects my running mood. I distinctly remembering coming to a crossroads in the run - I could have opted for 3 or 5 miles. I opted for the turn that would take me for a 5 miler. At this very moment, my music switched from Something to Believe In by Poison, to Dynamite by Taio Cruz. Direct correlation? Yes, very much so.  And as I chose the 5 mile run (which was what I was suppose to run yesterday)  I thought about my ass. Yes, my ass. Would I like to shake it on the back of the boat this summer, feeling more confidant than I ever have (don't judge me) OR would I like to be semi-confidant? The vote, was clearly shake-that-ass with confidence. So with a little Dynamite blasting in my ears, maybe even a bit of semi-fist pumping action, I was off for the 5 miles. My legs, my thighs, my stomach, and most importantly my ass, were most appreciative of my choice at the end.

Disclaimer... let's not pretend the majority of us don't shake our asses on boats, when the music is blaring and the sun is high. We do. We love it. And it is a good time.

All Forms

Healthy living comes in all forms. It isn't just about what I eat or how much I work-out. It also is about taking care of myself, as I grow older. And no, I do not feel old at all. But, reality is, I am getting older..indeed.

From: Susan Joyce Ballard [mailto:pelos@bgsu.edu]
Sent: Thursday, February 24, 2011 12:31 PM
To: Ballard, Troy
Subject: favor

Do you remember the name of that dermatologist you went to? I just saw a FB post about a 32 yr old with stage 3 melanoma.

I need to be proactive and start getting my skin checked now.

Thanks.

PS ---- this is your wife, being super mature and overcoming her urge to always be tan (please note, I will, however, remain the blonde that I love being.)

LoVeS

Appointment will be scheduled by the end of the day tomorrow. Healthy living comes in all forms and with one's own responsibility.

Milligan Blood.

"Through my blood flows the strength of an Irish woman and the stubbornness of a Scotch"....

I will not blog about the entire ice storm experience yet. However, brace yourself, because when I survive this debacle of a week...there will be a blog. It will be glorious. You will most likely laugh. However, right now, I am not laughing. I am dreading driving home to a cold, lonely house. Thank goodness for Bailey and Captain.

And yes, I might be a bit psychotic, as this storm is limiting my gym access time (2 days and counting no Y in my life. I am about to explode with anxiety).

Stay tuned...

Gram

Gram is awesome. She will be 92 in July and still going strong. I can only hope her genes carry through and keep me as active as she when I am her age.

I had the pleasure of suprising Gram, along with AJ and UD, this week. I flew into Orlando and they all live (during the winter months) about an hour south. I originally had planned on driving to Tampa that Tuesday, but my meeting changed to Wednesday morning. So I GPS'd that bad boy and off I went.

Needless to say... all were surprised. Gram nearly fell over. I love a good surprise. Surprises make the world a better place. Gram was gracious enough to host me for the afternoon/evening. It was great to spend time with her and AJ/UD and all of their friends. What great people.

Here's hoping I can say the same thing about myself, when I'm 91:

1. I will walk each morning.
2. I will read daily and constantly be learning.
3. I will remember to write letters to my loved ones and send cards, always send cards.
4. I will greet my own grandchild with a hug, a kiss and an open arm each time I see them.
5. I will drink beer with the gang and enjoy each taste.
6. I will tell stories that make me smile and make others' smile.
7. I will listen and be patience.
8. I will take an afternoon swim when the sun is high in the sky.
9. I will always ask about my grandchild's dogs.
10. And I will be as cool as a Gram.

Good day, good surprise, good family. I love days like that.

Calories

I have been following a variety of different blogs lately, all of which are related to running, training, healthy living, etc. For the most part, I thoroughly enjoy the reading and am always intrigued to see how others' view their own healthy living process. However, there is one blog, that for the last few days I mentally have disagreed with. I will not share the link, as again, for the most part, I love this blog EXCEPT when it comes to the philosophy on eating and dieting.

This particular blogger believes that their daily caloric intake should be around 1000 (can you say your body shuts down and starts eating itself?!) and consists of: fruits, vegetables, light protein, limited calcium, etc. The major food groups are fine, but seriously, 1000 calories/day?! Are you fing kidding me?! Not to mention this blogger also runs, works-out, etc. I mean, I don't think I would even have the strength to run a mile if I limited my body to a 1000 calories/day!

I am fully aware that everyone's body size, structure, etc. are different and therefore, everyone needs different calorie amounts and food. However, 1000 calories?! I am in shock. I can burn close to 1000 calories alone on a long run training day. I just don't get it.

I also, do not agree, that one must limit themselves to perfectly healthy food 24/7. If I do this, I will head towards horrible binges. I guess for me, that's why Weight Watchers works (I sound like a commercial - watch out J Hudson). No, but for real, a person cannot just eat salads, fruit, and protein 24/7. Sometimes you need to have a little variety and not to mention, you need to treat yourself! I find, I do much better per/week with weight lose, if I allow some splurging here-and-there. Some pizza and popcorn is NOT going to kill you. Just sayin. It's eating that stuff 24/7 that kills you (I know, common sense).

So this weekend, I will enjoy my small movie theatre popcorn (no salt, light butter) with my diet coke. I will not freak-out about it. I will be friends with the gym. And Monday, when I weigh-in, I have a feeling the scale will be good to me.

Badass

Sometimes you have to be a badass. Sometimes you have to suck-it up. Sometimes you have to wear three layers of clothing. Sometimes you have to run, even when it is 5F outside.

Yesterday, I did just that. I was scared all day, to attempt the run outside. But, I had my winter running gear with me (God bless Under Armor) and I was determined to make it happen.

Honestly, the only part of me that was cold were my finger tips (chalk this up to, too much ice skating without gloves as a child!) and the top of my thighs. Otherwise, I was aok.

I ran and I ran. I slipped a few times on some ice (never truly landed though, just a slip). Had  drivers look at me like I was a crazy person. And had two college students call me and I quote a "badass" for running in that weather. I just smiled and kept on running, jamming to a little Kenny Chesney (new CD is fabulous).

Hands down, outside runs are ten times better than treadmill runs. Scratch that - 20 times better. It was a good day, finished out with a great run. And let me close by adding - you know it's cold outside when your facial winter-running protective gear has a rim of ice around the edges of it. Oh riiiiiggghhhht, that's just my sweat, freezing within 5 seconds of appearing. Hot. Beyond hot.

Another one? That's right kids.

Apparently one too many drinks (as in 3 total) and that's all that is needed for me to agree to another half. Damn. Friday night. It happened. I agreed. So, here I come Glass City Half. But, I must say, I really think this time it is going to be different. My reasons include:

1. I picked out my own training plan this round. Troy picked out the last training plan. It was a great training plan IF you were trying to hold 7-8 minute miles. Welcome to being a 10 minute miler.
2. I am going to allow myself to walk before mile 10, if I need to.
3. I plan on working on my form. My form is horrible and it needs to be fixed.
4. I can't complete a half ironman without embracing a few half marathons.
5. I want another 13.1 sticker.
6. I want another 13.1 medal.
7. I love spending money on sneakers and running clothes.
8. Troy is also going to run this one. He is going after time. I am going after maintaining my sanity. No, for real. I nearly lost my mind during our half this past November. It was not pretty.
9. I will be cross training and lifting weights. Who knew, weight lifting was actually important to the whole running gig?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY........

10. Matt Nichols is also running this half. His entire goal is to beat me. And I quote "All I care about Sue is beating you. You have beat me every race to date and this one is going to be different." Oh Nichols... you just pissed off the inner-Pelo portion of me. I will see you April 17th. I will be the one in head-to-toe matching running gear. Just remember what happened during the last race you said you were going to beat me..... See you at the starting line Nichols.

Shoulders

My shoulders are getting HUGE again. Like swim-days huge. I hate that. It is because of lifting. I appreciate the lack of Oprah arm flab that I have going on (don't pretend, you don't know what I am talking about), but damn, my shoulders are getting big again. This does not make me happy. It makes me feel like a line-backer. A line backer, that can cruise through the water at a very nice rate, but still a line-backer. Think that Steelers need some help this weekend? I would take the salary.

Tonight, leg lift ONLY and cardio. Tomorrow, light arm lift only.

No, for real, I hate big shoulders.

Dogs

By now... you should all know one very important piece of information:

I LOVE MY DOGS

I love their cuddles, I love their playful behavior, I love their kisses, I love Bailey's grunts, I love when they cuddle together, and for the most part I even love Captain's hair (minus that whole vacuum everyday thing, I got going on). I never knew having dogs would be as rewarding as it is. During the weeks, as Troy travels, they are my companions.  They listen to me talk to myself. They watch me make dinner in the kitchen. They hide when I get the vacuum out. The know the exact time we go to bed. They know if we are going to read first or go straight to bed. They even know Thursday night is my favorite TV show night (okay, maybe this is a stretch - whatev, in my world, they know).

As I removed Captain from my arm and half of my chest this morning, to head to the gym, he was not a happy camper. Bailey, wanted nothing to do with going outdoors (especially with our new snowfall) at 5 a.m. But, being the great dogs they are, they obeyed. We had our morning love time and I left to hit the gym, before the next storm hits.

Sunday night, as we were getting ready to go to bed, the following scene played out in our home:

I was already in bed, about to read. Troy, just got into bed with his book. Bailey and Captain, sitting on the floor, waiting patiently to be invited up (yes, they totally sleep with us - for awhile we didn't allow it, but I like them to be with me, when Troy travels). Troy calls them up and first Bailey jumps up (Captain, still waits patiently on the floor), she walks up to us and grunts. Immediately following the grunt, Captain jumps up, finds his spot, and gracefully "flops" himself down.

Troy, turned to me and said: "Do you know what just happened?"

Me: "Um, nothing special. That happens each night."

Troy: "No, didn't you see it?"

Me: "What?"

Troy: "Captain waited for Bailey's grunt, to make sure he could come up as well. And then he heard it and up he came."

Me: "Really Troy? I think not."

Either way .... it was a precious moment. One, that made me love them that much more.

To close... take a look at this. For dog lovers/owners out there, you will appreciate it:

It's a list of what we would learn if dogs were our teachers. Such as:

Always run to greet loved ones when they come home.

Never pass the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

Recognize the ecstasy of fresh air and wind in your face.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, lie on your back in the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and find the shade.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Enjoy long walks.

Be loyal.

GYM TONIGHT!

Wow. What a month January has been. Lots of traveling for work and lots of fun had by all. My colleague and I traveled to two different conferences (one in Kansas City and the other in Phoenix) to present on BGSU's Centennial Milestone Celebration. Both presentations went very well and our audience was fantastic. They loved everything we had to share. It was a great feeling of accomplishment, reviewing the last year of celebrations, traveling, events, programs, etc. Both travel trips were fun, although, Kansas City was more fun than Phoenix. Phoenix seemed "dead" as a city. Perhaps the time of year? Perhaps the time of the week? Either way, great to travel to cities I have not yet explored.

Next trips? Florida, DC, Denver, Pittsburgh, and Chicago. Good to be busy! I like to be busy. But sad, when Troy and I are crossing paths in the air (literally).

I find it somewhat easy to maintain my work-out schedules, while traveling. I also pack my gear (for both indoor and outdoor work-outs) and make it happen. I mean, some days I can't. But, for the most I do. But, it will be nice to be home for a few weeks before Florida and get some YMCA gym time in, along with some doubles. I started doing a variety of doubles last week and love it. I love the hard work and knowing the results will pay off. I have never been this focused before and I am pumped.

I really need to finalize my summer triathlon schedule. I have decided to wait for the half ironman, as originally planned, and compete in this race 2012. I do think, I will chose Syracuse. I would love for some of family, friends, etc. to be present (if they want to be). And Syracuse is the closest one. Wow, super scary, but super exciting at the same time.

Troy has his weekend MBA classes this weekend. So tonight, we date-it-up at the gym, followed by dinner. So simple and yet, I love it. Looking forward to a great work-out and heavy lift. Not sure if my upper body is ready, but here it comes.

Super fun announcement: Julie, myself, and three of her friends (most of which I know) will be headed to..... (wait for it)...... (wait for it)....

CABO BABY!!!!!!

April 2012...Julie turns 40  and so Cabo here we come. Side note, my sister does not look 40. We are all very excited. I am working out the details as we speak. Can't wait for this vacation - it might just be EPIC. Might? It will be.

Between the half ironman, my own personal goals and the Cabo vacation.... there should be some major transformations going on.... both mentally and physically. I like it. I like it a lot.

Pool Deck

I was on a pool desk last night. I watched pieces of a highschool men's swim meet. Wow, I miss being on a deck. I miss the smell of chlorine. I miss the team spirit. I miss counting during the 500 or 1000 or 1650. I miss it all.

I love...

I was watching a past episode of Oprah earlier this morning (prolonging cleaning, more painting, some packing, and a trip to the gym) and I watched the special on the Australian couple. The husband is currently battling both liver and bowel cancer. The video he made for his wife, Rachel, is amazing. Find it at this link:

LOVE

Watch the video and be amazed at the power of love. I am generally a positive person, so to list all the people/animals/items I love, would take a lifetime (as is true for most). But, because this is my blog and I get to write about what I want... I am going to take a moment to write a few highlights of my love. In no particular order:

1. Troy. Know it. Be it. Bestfriend. Fate. Lifetime of dreams. Lifetime of laughter. Lucky.

2. Bailey. Cuddles. Grunts of love. Short hair. Anti-water dog.

3. Captain. Big cuddles. Smelly farts. Too much hair to clean. Water dog.

4. Sunsets. Red skies. Boat wakes. Boating. Sun kissed skin. Sun bleached hair. Chipped nailpolish.

5. Family. Laughter. Jokes. Wine. Nicknames.

6. Friends. Honesty. Convesations. Advice. Challenges. Support.

7. Manicures. Pedicures. Flip-flops. Shoes. Bathing suits. Nail polish. Accessories. Clothes.

8. Raisin Brain cereal.

9. 1000 Island. St. Lawrence River. Islands. Family blood. Tibbitts Point.

10. Sister. Loud. Laughter. Music. Baking. Not cooking. Decorating. Dollar Store.

I am sure, this list, makes very little sense to those reading. To me, it represents some of my life. Some of my loves. And some of my motivation.

To live a life filled with love, support and happiness... one has lived well.

Do I dare?

As I was scanning the web last night, to attempt to "finalize" my summer race calendar, I found the Syracuse Half 70.3 for September 2011. Now, remember, my goal is to complete my first Half Ironman in Spring/Summer 2012. But, I stopped, I clicked, and I read.

September 2011 - could I do it, would I be ready, will the weather be crappy in September? So many questions....... what is a girl to do?!

I asked Troy's input and of course it was this: "I will support you no matter what." I mean sometimes, for real, give it to me straight Ballard. Like, "You're not ready, you're not strong enough yet, you need to overcome your hate of running, you need to get aero bars for your bike." But.... that is not what I heard. Blah.

Needless to say, my mind has been racing with the "what-ifs" since I found this race. I know, I'm definitely in for an Olympic Tri in May, swimming a relay with EH and SG in June (may even bootleg that one and finish it up, to get the yardage in), still need a tri for July, pretty sure I have my Olympic picked out for August.... but now, Syracuse. It is there - in the back of my head and it isn't leaving.

All during my outdoor, glorious winter run today (I forgot how wonderful winter runs can be!), I thought of one thing only: The Half. I thought about crossing the finish line. I thought about seeing Troy at the end of it. I thought about the pain. I thought about the mental triumph. I thought about "that" girl I once was and I thought about the woman I now am. I thought and I thought and I thought some more. Yet, no decision.

Perhaps a good lift tonight, at the gym will help. Either way, I have a decision to make. I'm either all in for September 2011 or I'm all in for 2012. Either way, I'm doing it.

Mirrors

Friday night, Troy and I headed to our favorite Y, to get in a solid 2 hour gym date. As my Facebook status said that night - I know, very lame, but at least healthy. Anyways, we started out with a run on the treadmill. And no, we do not do the exact same workout, at the exact same time. We are not that lame.

I am not a fan of treadmills. For the most part, I would rather be outside running, than on a black mat that spins in a circle. But Michigan finally has been hit with some winter snow and the temps were frigid, so treadmill it is. I started out with a nice slow jog and eventually I was doing another sprint/walk workout. 35 minutes later I was covered in sweat and feeling oh so very accomplished.

But, during the middle of my workout, I looked up to find this huge mirror in front of all the treadmill runners. I mean, why? Why, must be have a mirror in front of us, when we run? I don't want to know what I look like. I know I should. I know I should care, for my form. But, yah, I really don't want to see my legs, arm, sweat, earphones, face, etc. I would rather just run. Because in my head, inside my run, I am me. There, I am not judging my appearance to anyone else around me. But, at that moment, when I looked up and saw myself, I immediately fell into the self-conscience "oh my lord, look at me, I am so fat". But, I kept on running. Finished it, moved onto the bike, and then finished out with upper arm lift and abs. 2 hours later, it was a quality workout.

But, those mirrors. They kept bothering me. On the way home, I was talking to Troy about it and how uncomfortable it made me. And this was my husband's, kind and caring remarks:

" Is that really how a woman's mind works and thinks? I don't know what to say, because I don't think like that. Either way, if you are worried about other people judging you in the gym F-them. That's not what the gym is about. The gym is about you and your own self improvement. It is not about worrying about what others' are thinking/seeing."

I really hate when he is right.

I know, for most women (and I do not mean to speak for all - this is just my opinion), we struggle with self image. It doesn't matter our height, our weight, our BMI, our fat percentage, our muscles, etc.  - we struggle. And the farther I go through this journey of weight loss and healthy living, the more I realize how much I not only need to improve the physical, but the mental as well. Someday, I will be on that treadmill, and not worry about the image in front of me. Someday, I will not worry about always being the tallest woman in the bar (and yes, I still wear heels). And someday, it will all come together. Until then...I'll  keep on doing what I do, with a smile. A smile always helps. :)

Kindness

Anyone that read my FB post around 7 p.m., knows where I was tonight - the pool. And let me say this loud and clear: I DID NOT want to go. I wanted to remain on the couch, watching my DVR'd Biggest Loser episode from last night and "take the night off." Sigh. I went. And now I am home, reeking like chlorine, but of course very happy and satisfied that I pulled my shit together and went.

I am glad I went. The simplest act of kindness happened to me and it came from 2 girls, probably about 10 years old. I walked onto the lap pool deck and thought, awesome, open swim. Open swim = 2 lanes of lap swim only, while the remainder of the pool is filled with families, bobbers, divers, etc. And I write bobbers, I am not referring to fishing bobbers. You figure it out.  Needless to say, I instantly went negative in my head and thought, this workout is going to blow. I'm not going to have a decent lap, the pool wake is going to be horrible, etc. etc. etc.

And as I was standing there, surveying the situation, trying to figure out which lap lane I wanted to invade to get some yardage in, these two young girls swam from the shallow end to the deep end. Pulled off their goggles and said:

Girls: Ms, are you looking for a lane?

Me: Yes, I definitely am.

Girls: You can have our lane (they were in lane 2 = WAY BETTER THAN LANE 1. Lane 1 is next to the wall... I hate the outer lanes). We can finish our 500 yards tomorrow night.

*Remember, they are about 10.

Me: But are you finished with your swim?

Girls: No, but that's okay. We have been swimming for about 30 minutes and you look like a real good swimmer that needs a lane. (I am not making this up).

Me: Oh my gosh, you girls are so nice. Yes, I would love your lane, if you are sure.

So, they climbed out, I thanked them again, and proceeded to have a fabulous evening swim, in lane 2.

What great girls. Thanks to their parents for raising them with manners and instilling in them the importance of kindness. A simple act of kindness goes a long way.

1999-2003

I thoroughly enjoy thinking about some of my blog entries, before I write them (hence my Facebook post last night). I had some general ideas/concepts/people I wanted to blog about, but wasn't exactly sure how to tie them all together. To be perfectly honest, I'm still not 100% sure. But whatever, that's the fun part of blogging.... you just write and it takes you where it takes you (deep, I know).

Anyone that knows me, knows that I loved college. No, I mean I LOVED COLLEGE. I was that girl - you know, the really overly-involved (almost annoying to the point involved?!), BFF with college administrators, went to most of my classes, and dressed up on a daily basis. I was that girl. One of the reasons I feel in love with Hartwick, was because of the smaller size. I was involved in HS and I wasn't prepared to get lost in the crowd at college. Hartwick was home to me, the minute I stepped on it's campus (I am NOT exaggerating - just ask Carol). Needless to say, I succeeded in taking every advantage of college, while having the best time of my life.

There are two things I NEVER thought I would do in college - be a college athlete and join a sorority. Both, proved to be false. There are two things that are my favorite memories from college - my swim team and my sorority. Lesson here? I do believe so.  I owe everything to my swim team and what I learned there. I absolutely loved that piece of my life. But, this blog, will focus on the later... AOII.

The majority of girls that join a sorority always say "they never had planned on it." Exhibit A. And then the ones that say that, do it, and they love it. Again, exhibit A. To be clear, I was NEVER the "rah rah" kind of sorority woman "(I'm pretty sure, yup 100% positive I gave STRICT INSTRUCTIONS NOT TO DO TOAST AT MY WEDDING. Guess what was done? Toast). I was rather, what one might have called the "house mom." Take it for what's worth. Either way, I loved it.  I mean, don't get me wrong I hated the stupid fights and the stupid drama, the house meetings on Sunday that SERIOUSLY WENT FOR HOURS ABOUT NOTHING, finding your laundry on top of the dryer when someone else moved it for you, the filth in the kitchen, trying to find a spot in the back to park, and the crazy lack of sleep. But, I loved the friendships, the conversation at 2 a.m in the kitchen,  J-Term tv addictions to the Bachelor, the "morning after" conversations, and all the inside, stupid-crazy jokes/things we did (none of which will be mentioned here).

Almost 10 years later... I still consider myself to be good friends with a portion of the girls in my sorority. I take pride in that, considering the majority live in NY and I live in MI (the only thing I hate about living in MI and is how far away I am from these girls). But, it just goes to show, that the bond and friendships we developed through this group - through this sorority - did matter and still matters.
Which brings me to this:

Late Tuesday night, I receive this FB message from E.H.:

"Sue, where's the blog. I need some blog to keep me going on my diet/work-out."

My text message response back to her on Wednesday:

"How about you inspire yourself and me and commit to a triathlon relay this summer with S.G. and myself?"

10 minutes later E.H. called. Two days later, we plan on completing this triathlon:

North Country Tri

(Side note - but huge shout-out to E.H. for agreeing to this. S.G. has completed numerous races - she is actually the one that started me on running in college. I am proud of S.G. for agreeing to this as well. But, E.H. - I give you props. Its the first one and you jumped in, feet first. Ride that bike girl... you'll be awesome. S.G. - I know you will be fabulous. You always are. )

As a number of us turn 30 this year, I think this is awesome. Two days after my own 30th birthday, I will be relaying-it up with two of my best friends. I love that shit. And I have a feeling we will have some other fabulous and amazing friends on the sideline cheering us on. I'm already proud of my relay-mates and its only January.

These are the type of relationships that matter. These are the type of adventures that matter.

In the spring of 2001, my life changed forever. I did something I never thought I would have done. I have no regrets. And 8 years later, these same amazing woman continue to positively impact my life, make me smile, and will always get it - even from three states away.

Running is my enemy

I really don't like to run. In fact, I almost hate it. It doesn't clear my head and bring me to a happy place, like it does for some. Swimming, now swimming, does that for me. However, if I am serious about 70.3 (and I AM serious about it), I must learn to embrace running. I need to find a way to enjoy it more than I do. I can swim from here to NY and back, but not so much with the run.

I thought training for a half-marathon this past fall, would help me overcome my hate relationship with running. I can't say that it did that. I can say, it taught me that I can, indeed, run MUCH farther than I ever thought I could. And I know I CAN run 13.1

NOW, I just need to put 13.1 after a 1.2 mile swim and a 56 mile bike. Thus, 70.3.

Troy and I just returned from a winter night run. I decided to turn into a sprint work-out. A mile warm-up, 2 miles of 3 minute sprint and a minute walk, followed by a cool down. It sounds easier than it is. Its the kind of running that makes your heart beat out of your chest and your legs throb when you are finished.

They say that triathlons are either won or lost on the run. I'm not planning on losing anytime soon.